Teachers Worried Their Gay Students May Regress And Turn Straight Over Summer Break

U.S. · Jul 26, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

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PORTLAND, OR — A recent poll suggests 90% of teachers are worried their gay students may regress and turn straight over summer break. Most students had embraced their queer identities after being immersed in queerness around the clock for the entire school year. Now, those students are trapped with their bigoted, traditional parents who may brainwash their children into regressing back to straight or cis.

“I’m shook,” said a local kindergarten teacher, Shirley Giggons, who sat in front of her classroom’s LGBTQ+ flag during the interview. “I know my students and their sexual preferences and the idea they might regress back to straight is terrifying.”

Teachers have taken to social media to try to encourage their queer students to remain true to their queer selves. Shirley, for example, has a social media presence on TikTok, Instagram, and Tumblr with a few thousand followers with an average age of 8 years old. She uses the platforms to nurture her student’s identities while they’re away from the classroom.

“He doesn’t even know what ‘gay’ means,” said Thomas Williams, a local dad of a third-grade student. “My son doesn’t even know how to spell his name yet. You think I need his teacher pressuring a narrative instead of teaching him basic skills!?”

Other bigoted parents in the area have expressed similar concerns, but with the start of school just around the corner, they are hoping there is still time to save these kids.

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