December 3rd, 2019 – BabylonBee.com
My cmnt: I’ve taken the liberty of making this funnier than the original Bee post.
RIVERDALE, GA—Shortly after his workout video plan failed, free agent Colin Kaepernick took a walk around town to clear his mind.
Luckily, Kaepernick stumbled upon a pickup game of flag football some kids were playing at a local park.
“Hey guys, can I play?” Kaepernick said, jogging over. They begrudgingly allowed him to stand in the lineup as teams were being picked, but as kid after kid was chosen, Kaepernick started to pout.
“I pick… Timmy!” the yellow team captain said, referring to one boy in a wheelchair. Timmy excitedly rolled over and high-fived the captain of his new team.
“Aw, come on!” Kaepernick shouted angrily. Finally, it was between him and resident tomboy Patty. “I’ll take Patty,” the red captain said, leaving just Kaepernick. Patty snickered and muttered, “Loser,” as she jogged over, stepping on Kaepernick’s foot.
“Hey, you did that on purpose!” he whined.
Kaepernick was next seen kneeling on the sideline while loudly talking to his mom on his cellphone. “But mom they aren’t letting me play because they’re all racists.” complained Kaepenick.
“Colin,” explained his mom, “How can they be racist? You’re as white as you are black. Maybe they just don’t think you’re good enough.”
“You’re racist too.” Kaepernick shouted into the phone as he tried to throw it into a nearby trashcan but missed.
“Come on guys, let me plaaaa-yaaay!”
“Sorry, man — you’d make the teams uneven,” one kid said, shrugging, as everyone lined up for the first kickoff. “Quit being a crybaby.”
Kaepernick retrieved his cellphone and called his mom back, who reportedly said the mean boys should let him play.
“Guys, my mom said you have to let me play,” he said, boldly standing in the middle of the field, refusing to budge until the kids let him on one of their teams. “She just told me.”
“Ok Colin,” said one of the team captains. “You can be the goalpost.”