Politics · Feb 16, 2023 · BabylonBee.com
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden is being lifted in Marine One to a local coroner for his annual physical exam, sources in Washington say.
“The President passed the exam with flying colors. His body is so life-like and well-preserved!” said a representative from the D.C. Medical Examiner’s Office. “With a fresh injection of formaldehyde and some makeup, he looks like he’s still with us! Just look at him — so peaceful. It looks like he’s just sleeping!”
The President’s Chief Medical Examiner is set to release his findings from the physical and is expected to clear the President for duty for another term. “President Biden’s body is so youthful and vigorous. It is definitely one of the healthiest bodies I’ve ever seen. Wow. What a full, impactful life he lived. Er, um, I mean, is living. He’s alive. The President is definitely still alive.”
At publishing time, White House staff had received the President’s body as it was delivered back to its resting place in the White House. They confirmed that the President is still very much alive and not dead at all and you are a mean person for asking.
Readers’ comments:
Ladies and Gentlemen: The President of the United States.
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@bobster · 2d ·
I get why this is supposed to be funny, but Biden is such an ugly word.
1.03M
@reckless4life · 2d ·
I miss Adam Ford.
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@sauerkrautpolice · 2d ·
Gives new meaning to “lying in state”.
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@boomerokay · 2d · · Edited
He stinks like he’s been dead 4 days – so the coroner makes sense.
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@thewalkman · 2d ·
Hall of Fame headline
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@boomerokay · 2d ·
Who’da thunk, – the zombie apocalypse starts at the oval office.
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@pure_teej · 2d ·
At least Hillary’s not president.
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@markc13 · 2d ·
I suppose the verse Matthew 23:27 might be adapted for this circumstance: Woe to you, tawdry priest of climate and faux Catholic, you hypocrite! You are like a whitewashed tomb, which looks beautiful on the outside but on the inside is full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of lies, hypocrisy and wickedness.
Lord Buckbeak 