The Big Bang Theory – quotes from Stuart

From The Big Bang Theory fan website

Stuart
Bernadette, Howard, Amy, Sheldon, Leonard, Penny, & Raj

Check out the excellent website above for all things Big Bang. All references are shown on the website. Of course some of these only stand out if you’ve seen the entire episode they hail from – I’ve seen them all, multiple times.

The Big Bang Theory is one of our favorite sitcoms of all time and Stuart is our favorite character. As with all regulars on the show he is a well-developed and interesting person. When he moved in to take care of Howard’s mom we saw some of the funniest episodes – and the fact that everyone has a place of usefulness and happiness which always involves kind-hearted service to others.

Here are just some of Stuart’s best lines:

Stuart: Oh, Sheldon, I’m afraid you couldn’t be more wrong.
Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
Stuart: Of course it is. It’s a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it’s very wrong to say it’s a suspension bridge.

Howard: Hang on, I know a place where you could stay and earn some money at the same time.
Stuart: Great!
Howard: I just have to warn you: it will involve humiliation, degradation and verbal abuse.
Stuart: So, what’s the catch?

Bernadette: Why are they staring?
Amy: Who cares? Just soak it in. Hello, boys.
Stuart: Oh, hey. (To the other customers) Could you please stop staring? They’re just girls. It’s nothing you haven’t seen in movies or in drawings.
Penny: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: What brings you guys here?
Bernadette: We were looking for a recommendation about comic books.
Stuart: Oh, well, I recommend you don’t open a store and sell them.
Penny: No, we were just wondering why the guys like this stuff so much, so we thought we’d give it a try.
Stuart: Oh, okay. What do you think you might be into? Superhero, fantasy, graphic novels, manga? (To the male customers still staring) I swear I will turn a hose on you.

Stuart: Okay, I’ll go. Howard, when I think about you and Bernadette starting this wonderful life together, I can’t help but get a little choked up. I mean, look at you. You have everything. Look at me. I’m 37. I sleep in the back of a comic book store, and I have the bone density of an 80-year-old man.

Bernadette: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: *startled* Hey.
Bernadette: Sorry, did I startle you?
Stuart: Yes, but at this point pretty much any customer does.

Penny: You really going to lie on the floor and pretend to be dead all night?
Stuart: What do you think I was going to do at home?

Raj: How old is this Jell-O?
Stuart: Well, it’s carrots, so I’m gonna say very.

Amy: (Talking about “It’s A Wonderful Life”) It’s great. It’s Christmas time, and Jimmy Stewart’s really depressed and he’s gonna jump off a bridge and kill himself.
Stuart: Don’t need to see it, living it!

Raj: In the last hour 162 women have read our profiles. How many of them have sent us messages?
Stuart: Combined?
Raj: Yes.
Stuart: Zero.

Stuart: Anyone else need anything before I go?
Howard: I’ll give you a dollar if you make fun of Raj.
Stuart: That’s mean.
Howard: Five.
Stuart: You look like Tigger if Tigger looked like a jackass (taking the money).
Howard: Uh, if you ever need a reference or anything, just let me know.

Howard: What kind of music are you thinking of?
Stuart: I like all kinds of music, but my favorite genre is free.

Stuart: I can’t believe she’s gone. That woman took me in. If it wasn’t for her, I would have been homeless.
Amy: One of us would have taken you in.
Stuart: Yeah, I don’t recall any offers. But you know what, I’m glad it worked out the way it did, because I got to know this wonderful person.

Leonard: Oh, hey, Stuart. This is Penny. She’s looking for some comic books.
Stuart: Oh, really? Blink twice if you’re here against your will.

And I’ve saved the best for last:

Howard: You interested in Amy?
Stuart: Well, I mean she didn’t look right through me with soul-sucking, ball-shriveling, hatred and contempt. I like that in a woman.

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