By Sycophant Press – Feb 15, 2021 – from the AP
Dateline: Lincoln, Neb.
Democrat Mayor Leirion Gaylor Baird acknowledges that the citizens of Lincoln are in for a Dark Winter echoing her mentor and spirit-guide, fake president Joseph O’Biden. “He who walks in Darkness” warned us that there would be shortages of natural gas after he closed America’s largest natural gas reservoir in the Marcellus Shale (PA & WV) – 2,836 billion cubic feet.
Mayor Baird continued, ‘It is unfortunate, and no one expected it would happen so quickly, but we are going to have some rolling blackouts of electricity according to LES due to shortages in natural gas.”
“I’m old enough to remember the wonderful Carter years and the gas shortages in the winter of malaise,” she opined with a wistful tear in her eye. “Those were the glory days of democrat policy dominance and we hope to see those again under O’Biden as we return earth to her primordial state of innocence and drive the middle class back to life on a medieval manor. I recommend, like Carter, that you wear two or three sweaters and turn your space heaters off and your thermostats down to 65 during the day and 55 at night.”
Natural gas is an abundant, clean-burning economical resource that had made America energy independent under the guidance of President Donald J Trump for the first time in generations.
“We’re experiencing a pivotal moment in U.S. energy leadership, as the number one producer and exporter of natural gas and oil,” Todd Snitchler, API vice president of market development, said in an announcement in May of 2019. “It’s also a critical time in terms of collaborating and building our Trans-Atlantic LNG relationship, as we have an ability to not only continue to elevate the quality of life in America but globally as well.”
And the benefits of natural gas production go beyond its economic impact, including helping the environment.
“American natural gas has reduced CO2 emissions in the U.S. to the lowest levels we’ve seen in a generation, as well as provided substantial economic benefits to communities across the U.S., and by enabling greater flows of U.S. LNG to the EU we hope to bring more of this clean, affordable and reliable fuel to people around the world,” Snitchler said.
“Well, that has to stop!” declared O’Biden in a prepared statement he had difficulty reading from the teleprompter. “Natural gas is a greenhouse gas and must be replaced with solar panels, windmills and electricity.”
When asked by this reporter where all of that electricity would come from Mayor Baird said, “The outlet in the wall, duh.” When pushed for elaboration on the question of sourcing those vast amounts of new electrical production Baird replied, “We will cross that bridge when we get there.”
Because climate guru Algore has assured us of much warmer winters and no more snow we asked the Mayor what she thought of our record snow falls and record low temperatures.
“I will circle back to that question.” she responded.
3 thoughts on “Due to Global Warming unprecedented cold hits U.S.”
Your spoofs of Lincoln’s mayor are hilarious. I have lived in Lincoln for 50 years and I worry that it is turning into a typical, liberal college town within a capital city. With the state’s primary university and the seats of state and federal government located here much of the city works outside of agriculture, business or industry where the real world works and lives. Lincoln is becoming the Austin, Tx of Nebraska. Living off the taxpayer’s largess and/or the borrowed money of tuition makes people lose touch with reality and inclined to vote democrat so that the gravy train continues to flow. We do have an excellent university as far as it researches and teaches real disciplines, such as agriculture or engineering, which everyone actually needs to maintain our modern, high tech world. We also have an excellent public school system with property taxes to match. Again, as long as this school system remains focused on real world needs (i.e., the three ‘R’s or STEMM disciplines) and not waste precious time and money on worthless courses of Leftism such as gender studies and Marxism the good citizens of Lincoln who are not paid by the taxpayer will continue to support it. But electing a mayor from Portland of all places (home of insurrectionists, Marxists, looters, arsenists and rioters condoned by the elected officials) makes me fear for the future of our fair city. So please keep writing and posting as your site is becoming my go-to place for info and entertaining reading.
Thanks so much for reading and your thoughtful comments. LB